If Things Were Different
by sbyamibakura
Summary: Batman/Joker, no particular setting for the first part, set post-TDK for the second, crack!fic all the way. If Christopher Nolan had pitched TDK slightly differently...


If Things Were Different...(Batman version)

by PhoenixJustice

If Christopher Nolan had pitched TDK slightly differently...

~ * ~

WB exec #1: Batman Begins was a great success, Christopher! We can't wait to see what you think of next!

Nolan: Well, I was thinking of introducing Harvey Dent, and take an approach similar to the Long Halloween (about the ties that Dent, Batman and Gordon have.)

WB exec #2: That's great! What els--

Nolan: And also to introduce the Joker as well, but I want to reinvent him as well; I don't want the Jack Nicholson version; the Joker didn't kill Bruce's parents! _

WB exec #1: Well, yes, that makes sense...

Nolan: And as Nicholson's Joker was older than Batman, I want to make this Joker slightly younger. And sexier. =D

WB exec #1 and #2: *look at each other* Er...

Nolan: And we're going with how the Joker was originally in the comics; scars. Not some "fallen into vat of chemicals." And he's going to wear makeup. 3

WB exec #2: O_O M-makeup? Um, Chris, I'm not sure if--

Nolan: And he'll be grungier and a much more dark version than was seen last time. No 60's era bullshit. _

WB exec #1: *slowly* Well...that does sound appealing.

WB exec #2: *nods* People have been wanting a change...so I think this could really work!

WB exec #1: And reinventing Harvey Dent and his rise to Two-Face could easily be amazing as wel--

Nolan: *interupts* But, and this is probably the most important thing, I want Batman and Joker's undeniable sexual tension to be acknowledged. Like Joker saying "you complete me" that sort of slashy thing that the fangirls love. I mean, it is canon, after all. Innuendos and the like are all well and good, but times are a'changing and people want things to be admitted. And it's time that Batman and Joker are above innuendos and given some needed credibility. No more hiding.

WB exec #1 and #2: *stunned silence*

Nolan: So that's it then? Great! I'll get started on it immediately; first I have to find someone who is sexy, a great actor....and did I mention sexy?...for the role of the Joker... *runs off*

Frank Miller: *emerges from the shadows* About damn time.

If the Interrogation Scene in The Dark Knight had gone differently...

~*~

Batman: *slams Joker's head into the metal table*

Joker: OW! Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy, he can't feel--

Batman: *smacks Joker's hand*

Joker: See?

Batman: You wanted me, here I am.

Joker: Oh yeah, I want you all right.

Batman: What?

Joker: Nevermind. Now let's get to this...wow, you've got some nicely shaped arms...

Batman: Er...

Joker: *shakes his head quickly* Anyway! Where was I?

Batman: Dent. As in .

Joker: Huh?

Batman: Harvey Dent. Yeah. That's definitely what I was talking about.

Joker: Ah! Yeah, well...maybe I'll tell you...*runs a finger up and down Batman's arm* Cause you know, you complete me and all...

Batman: Aren't we getting off track?

Joker: Nah. People need subtext. But yeah, Harvey is tied up somewhere--kinky, I know--and that's not all! =D

Batman: Um, I'm afraid to ask...no, wait *starts punching Joker* I'm not. Tell me where he is!

Joker: Ahhhh, mmm...well I was happy that you did all that stuff; got people killed, let Dent take your place (even I find that cold, yet still sexy). People want to get things back to the way they were, but you and I know better. There's no going back. You've changed things. Forever. Which makes me excited in a way that only usually Bruce Wayne can make me. XD

Batman: O_o

Joker: ...anyway, off track again. What were you wanting?

Batman: *picks up Joker by his collar* Where. is. Dent?!

Joker: You have all these rules! Lame! And you think that they'll save you. But they really won't, Batsy. Ooh...Batsy. Bat-sieee. I like the sound of that.

Batman: *slams Joker up against the wall* I just have one rule. (And a lot of kinks, but that's for another time.)

Joker: Ooohh, then that's the rule you'll have to break if you want to save one of them. Them. Themmmm. As in, more than one person, ya know? As in not just Harvey Dent but...

Batman: I know what them means you damned tease! Er...but uh... I mean...what??!

Joker: You know for a while there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her. *breathless laughter* But then I realized that you couldn't be Dent. Because he's straight, well bisexual at least, and you don't like girls. You pretend you do in your daily life, but you only like meeeeee.

Batman: Grr! *throws Joker onto the metal table*

Gordon: *from outside the interrogation room* I think I saw a porno like this once.

Joker: Does Harvey know about you and his little toy playing? Cause really, Batsy, if you needed a distraction, look no further--

Batman: *lays the smackdown on Joker*

Joker: I think I starred in a porno like this once.

Fifteen Minutes Later...

Joker: *smokes a cigarette* Mmmm, we should do that again soon, Bats.

Batman:...didn't I come in here for a reason?

Joker: Umm...*thinks hard* ...oh! Oh yeah, I tied up Dent and his girlfriend. He's on East 22nd street and she's on Avenue X, at Cicero.

Batman: *straightens up his cape and starts to walk out the door*

Joker: *calls out* And don't run too fast--the chafing will last for a few days!!

Gordon: O___O

The rest of the GCPD: O___O

Gordon: W-who are you going after?

Batman: *blushes* Um, er...Rachel. Yeah. I really don't think I need to see sexy Harvey Dent right now. Not after um...yeah. And it's not like he won't be sexy forever. What are the odds that something will happen to disfigure his gorgeous mug? *walks off, limping*


End file.
